Aug 062016
 

I decided to reactivate my “Blarrgh!!!” because I’ve missed it! Much to update since my last post (over 2 years ago – ACK!)

Anywho, this BLARRGH’S for me… and you. 😉

Theme song for the day:

 Posted by at 9:12 pm

Guardian Angels and Frankenface

 Nosy Stuff  Comments Off on Guardian Angels and Frankenface
Jan 212014
 

From “Penis Nose” to  “Frankenface” in less than 3 weeks …  WOOHOO!!! (pics below)

I was very nervous for the couple of days before my “penis nose” (forehead flap) was going to be severed… err, very nervous? Make that freaking the freak out…

May sound weird (most people I’ve spoken to about this think it is weird, heh) but I SWEAR!! My grandmother and my mother came to visit and comfort me in weird ways that were SOO AWESOME!!!

First was Grandmother’s spirit… the crazy wild cat that won’t let anyone touch her ran into my laundry/storage room because I left the door open that leads to the garage she hides in… Of ALL the cookbooks that I kept from Grandmother’s house, the crazy cat knocked THE ONE off the shelf before she ran out again… the book it fell open to page 30 with Grandmother’s handwritten notes of changing the recipe…  “HOT CHOCOLATE MIX” … I had recently told a friend how much I missed my Grandmother’s jars of her special homemade hot chocolate mix that she gave me in gift basket for several years of Christmas’… and how much I wished I had kept one of the index cards with her recipe that she taped to those jars. I fell to my knees in tears of laughter and love and bookmarked that page. I will never lose that recipe again!!!  (YES, I did! I twisted the words of one of Donna Summer’s song much like my awesome Grandmother twisted a recipe from a book!)

The next day, my Mommy visited me through the radio… yet again. The words of advice that my Mommy gave me while I was growing up sang through Lee Ann Womack’s voice… “I Hope You Dance” The first time I heard that song was shortly after my beautiful Mommy left earth… I fell to my knees, yet again. And then I walked outside and danced with the beautiful stars that were shining. Weird, huh? But totally true and totally awesome… 😉

 

Healing well and SO ready to get this off my face!

Healing well and SO ready to get this off my face!

Staying awake through this was like EWW!!

Staying awake through this was like EWW!!

Hurrah for Frankenface!!!

Hurrah for Frankenface!!!

 Posted by at 8:00 pm

Flapping

 Nosy Stuff  Comments Off on Flapping
Jan 152014
 

So, I had read all about this “forehead flap” (penis nose) and talked to Hottie Doc about what I should expect… I thought I could handle it all…

(ME is BRAVE and TOUGH! *grunts and chest pounding)

…. but somehow seeing pics of others online and hearing the descriptions aloud are SO NOT THE SAME AS SEEING IT IN THE MIRROR! 🙁

Friday, they took  (almost) all of my itchy stitches out (they missed one just above my hairline that is making me bonkers, ugh). I asked if I needed to worry about my penis nose getting loose and flapping in the wind… they laughed and said, “No, you won’t be flapping…” (They don’t know me very well, hehe)

Hottie Doc told me it was OK to wash my face now (YAYYY!! ‘BOUT TIME!!) “If the yellow bandage gets wet, no problem. If it comes off, just put a dab of antibiotic ointment and a bandage on it.” Sounds easy enough, right? WRONG. I did not realize that the yellow bandage that he put on my face actually wrapped AROUND my penis nose. As in under the gap between my forehead and nose… *shudder* So I wimped out and covered my face back up with lots of gauze & tape before I took a shower. :p

I remember my consultation visit with Hottie Doc before I agreed to schedule to have my face cut up… He said: “The forehead flap will be attached in two places” (blahblahblah) “you could probably put a pencil through the space between” (blahblahblah)………. at that point, my mind laughed and said, “Hah! That’s never gonna happen!

So yeah, I will never  ever ‘stick a pencil through it’ but discovering the space in my mirror was freaky. *shudder* Next step is severing my penis (hehe) from my nose. Friday can’t get here soon enough for me!!!

Healing well and SO ready to get this off my face!

Before Severing

 

 Posted by at 2:41 pm

Itchy Stitches and FACE WASH!!

 Nosy Stuff  Comments Off on Itchy Stitches and FACE WASH!!
Jan 102014
 

Another great visit with Hottie Doc today – and YES! I finally got a big LOL out of him when I told Dr. Emerson that’s what I call him 😉

So, Hottie Doc said everything looks fantastic, my face is healing very well and they took out all my itchy stitches, YAY! Oh, and he gave me permission to wash my face, YAYYYYY!!!! Funny how little things like not being allowed to wash your face for a couple of weeks can drive a person bonkers, eh?

The Super Gorgeous and Awesome Dr. Kline (she did my MOHS) stopped in to check on me (aww!) so I got a chance to thank her for the awesome job she did getting the skin cancer out of my face on the first cut. She laughingly said she remembered me talking about how I wasn’t looking forward to getting a “penis nose” and that she was kinda worried about how I would do – bleeding and healing wise – due to my smoking. I admitted that I haven’t fully kicked the habit but I’ve cut way down and she smiled, “You’re doing great, making progress and that’s a good thing!”

I cannot praise the ENTIRE staff of PPSD enough – every single person I’ve encountered there through this are AWESOME with extra AWESOME SAUCE!!! Kind, caring and absolute PROS!!!!! 

Next Friday, Hottie Doc is gonna sever the penis that’s on my face… WOOOOHOOOO!!!! I’ll have to wear some more itchy stitches for a while and I won’t have any feeling on the tip of my nose for quite a while (my forehead won’t twitch when I touch my nose, YAY!) but *shrug* – I’m SOOO ready to get my twisted up forehead flap (penis nose) off my eyebrow so my glasses will fit on my face right.

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 Posted by at 6:24 pm

One Week Down

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Jan 082014
 

No one ever told me I had to be happy every moment of every day…. AND I WOULD PROBABLY HURT SOMEONE WHO DID! 😀

Last Friday, my awesome son took me to my appointment to see Hottie Doc. Of course, the nurse bitched about my smoking. Yup, still having a hard with that but I’m down to 6/day on average from 30-35/day… so… *plltthhbbthhh*

Hottie Doc came in, said, “Hi, how are you?” I replied, “I’m ugly, but I’m good!”

He peeled the yellow bandage off of my penis nose (OHH, my *bleeping* OWWW!!!). I swear, THAT was the most painful thing I’ve been through so far. 🙁 But anywho, he said, “Your forehead flap [penis nose] looks beautiful! Despite your smoking, it looks very healthy!”

He replaced the bandage and said he’s gonna take 1/2 the stitches out next Friday and the following Friday he will sever my forehead from my nose… YAYYYY!!! This penis nose thing can’t get off my face soon enough for me… *whine*

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 Posted by at 3:39 pm

Forehead Flap Reconstruction (aka Penis Nose Day!)

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Dec 312013
 

Got up at 4:30 am, put on my “Annimaallll!” (muppet jammies) and slept/dozed all the way to my 6:00 am appt. Monday morn. Shannon greeted us at the door and gave me a stupid backless gown (*whine* I thought I could wear my Animal pants during surgery!). She said, “You seem much calmer than the last time I saw you!” I replied, “Hehe, yeah, I’m just not fully awake yet and I know I get to go back to sleep soon.”

Nurse (Miranda? can’t remember everyone’s names, ugh) took my blood pressure and it wasn’t great but way better than it had been the last couple of times… 148/85. Then Noah, the awesome (and very cute!) anesthesiologist came in to poke my hand and hook up my IV, go over my chart and explain stuff to me and Hubby before time for surgery. Then Hottie Doc (Dr. Emerson) came in, introduced himself to Hubby and asked me if I had any questions before he began the surgery…

“Actually, yes, I have one question… I brought my camera, can you take a couple of pics during the procedure?” Because he’s awesome like that, he did! They are posted below in case you wanna see them… I think they’re fascinating but not everyone is weird like me, so scroll/click at your own discretion. 😉

Last thing I remember before surgery was cutie Noah taking my hand where the needle was, grabbing the bag off the wall and saying “We’re going to walk across the hall……..” (Hubby said that he also said something about giving me some “feel good medicine” but all I remember is walking towards to the door, LOL).

Next thing I remember is waking up very thirsty. Nurse Miranda gave me a cup of water with a straw and told me she was going to put my clothes back on. YAY!! Animal jammie pants back on! And then she’s tying and commenting about my “shoes shoes” (Keds with shoes printed all over them, hehe) while I’m trying to put my bra on… she insisted on hooking it for me so I told her to put it on the loosest hook. I put my kitty jammie shirt on, buttoned it myself and drank the rest of the water. They made me sit in a wheel chair and told Hubby to pull around to the back door. I asked them if they had given me any pain medicine because I was feeling no pain… they said they had not but that I could take the percocet if I needed it. I got in Hubby’s truck mostly by myself. w00t!

On the way back home, I asked Hubby to stop at Burger King… bacon/egg/cheese croissant, coffee and water, WOOHOO! I took one of the percocets that they prescribed because I was expecting to feel pain. Instead, I just felt sleepy. I walked myself into the house, sat on the couch, turned on the tv and tried to lay down. Hubby yelled, “NOOOOO! Sit up! Keep your head elevated, that’s what they said you have to do!” Ugh. So I tried to doze for a couple of hours while sitting upright. Meanwhile, Hubby keeps hovering around me, making noises (drilling loose chair legs, mopping the floor, doing dishes, etc.). Finally, I gave up. “PLEASE GO SOMEWHERE!” He finally agreed to leave for about an hour if I promised to call and stay on the phone with my best friend while he was gone. So we indulged him for a while, he left and then I hung up and had 30 minutes of peace and quiet. 😉

Long story short, I’m am SO grateful to my husband, family and friends for loving me and taking care of me… and I can’t praise the entire staff of PPSD enough!!! Super Nurse Sharon called me this morning to ask how I was doing (awww!). I still haven’t felt the need to take another pain pill since yesterday morning. The wildest thing is when I touch my nose, it feels like I’m rubbing my forehead… which technically, I am, but it’s SOOO wild that I feel it at the top of my forehead while I’m touching the tip of my nose, LOL!!!

 

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 Posted by at 4:42 pm

Countdown to Penis Nose

 Nosy Stuff  Comments Off on Countdown to Penis Nose
Dec 292013
 

I’m remembering when I was 17 and my dad took me to a protest at the Miss California pageant “palace” … there was a woman walking around wearing nothing but a grass skirt and bold words printed on her naked breasts: “My Body. My Life. My Choices.

It was very weird to my 17 yr. old brain that had been mostly raised in the south to see a half-naked woman proudly parading the streets in front of a huge crowd of people. But this memory is comforting me now, making me feel stronger and braver.

Tomorrow is my “forehead flap reconstruction” surgery (eww! penis nose!) appointment… I’ve read the pre-op instructions, signed the releases, etc., etc. but I’m not necessarily following all the rules to a tee. I’m smoking. I’m drinking. I’m going to chew everything I can find. I’m doing housework (Really? I foolishly thought that rule would be the easiest to follow… LOL)… but I do plan to behave after midnight.

I think I will miss my water bottle beside my bed tonight/tomorrow the most … and then I will miss my t-shirts and chewing food for the next few days or so. *sigh*

My Body. My Life. My Choices.

 Posted by at 5:34 pm
Dec 282013
 

*WARNING!* Hideously icky pics at the bottom of this page… scroll/click at your own risk. 😉

—————————————————————-

So, I’ve learned that after the numbing shots wear off after MOHS surgery, there is definitely discomfort (bordering on pain) on my nose. Simple things like smiling, laughing, chewing and *especially* bending over to pick something up are seriously not comfortable. Nothing unbearable so far (*knock wood*) but it’s quite annoying.

I asked Hubby to help me change my bandage from the ginormous pack of gauze taped to my face and screwing up my equilibrium  (I nearly forked myself trying to find my mouth to eat the yummy french toast he made for me, lol). I wanted to do it in the bathroom where the big mirror is so I could see how it looks now… Hubby tried to convince me not to look in the mirror but I insisted. It’s seriously very ugly. I cried a little. But I’m still trying to focus on the positives… the basal cell carcinoma is out of my face, WOOHOO!!

I think I could probably be happy with just covering this ugly hole with super cool colorful bandages and chicken out on the forehead flap reconstruction  surgery part (ewww! penis nose!)… Hubby says he’s not going to let me back out. *sigh*

I’m not exactly looking forward to Monday and the next few weeks ahead BUT!… gotta do what ya gotta do, ya know? I keep telling myself, “Suck it up, Buttercup!” but sometimes I just wanna cry. And whine. And then SCREAM! And then sing a song LOUD and OFF KEY! And then laugh until I cry. And let that cycle repeat a couple of times until I fall asleep. 😀

———————-

Day 2 after MOHS:

I slept well. Hubby woke me up and offered to change my bandage this morning before he left but I didn’t want to get out of bed and I didn’t want to see it again yet. Besides, the gauze was only pinkish so clearly, I wasn’t bleeding to death. So I went back to sleep.

Once I woke up enough to get out of bed, I began regretting my decision to not let him change the bandage. My nose hurt when I coughed. It hurt when I bent over. And the gauze was getting more reddish the more I moved, so I decided to be lazy and watch TV all day… but eventually I got bored and wanted to change the bandage but I didn’t want to do it alone because … well, I’m a wimp like that.

Hubby got home at 3 pm and I whined, “Pleease change my bandage for me!” It was stuck to my face so removing it was SO not fun… but then I looked in the mirror. EEEEEKKK! I had been *seriously* considering skipping out on the Monday appt. (penis nose, eww!) until I saw it again today.  Yeah, I’m definitely gonna have to go get the forehead flap crap done… *ugh*

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 Posted by at 12:59 am
Dec 272013
 

NOTE: At the bottom of this page are pics that some may find icky, gory, etc…. don’t scroll down and don’t click if you don’t want to see them. 😉

I’ve been very clear with all of my docs and nurses ahead of time that I want to document my experiences through this whole process with photos and words… because the main reason I got brave enough to make the appointment in the first place was reading about/seeing pics from others who have gone through it and lived to tell the tale.  😉

My appointment was at 1:00 pm this afternoon and oddly enough, I wasn’t quite as nervous as I thought I would be… but I took the 2 Valium that Hottie Doc prescribed anyway, heh. I was called back shortly after 1 and the nurse took my blood pressure first – it was crazy high again (170/85), even with the Valium, ugh. So then the nurse starts the numbing process… the shots in the nose are by no means comfortable but I wouldn’t consider it horribly painful. The weirdest part was the pressure… my nose began to feel heavy, like there was a large rubber ball was on my face. Very weird.

So, then Dr. Kline comes in to begin cutting. They put a towel over my eyes to shield them from the bright light but I was peeking now and then from underneath as she was cutting the chunk of junk out of my nose… it was fascinating! She mentioned something about “the cancer comes out like jelly” and I think I said, “Eww, that sounds weird but cool!” When she was done, she asked me if I wanted to see my cancer chunk before she took it to the lab… Well, duh! Of course, I did! It was about the size of a quarter and I’m guessing somewhere between 1/8″ – to 1/4″ thick. I forgot to ask if I could take a pic of that, dammit.

The MOHS procedure generally consists of taking a chunk out and testing it, with this process continuing until the lab results show clean tissue around/UNDER the cancerous cells. She explained that it was rare that they got it all the first time, so she would likely need to repeat the process in about an hour. But I got lucky!!! Or maybe Dr. Kline is just that good. 🙂 Either way, I’m happy – she got it all the first time, YAYYYYY!!!

So I’m home, bandaged and still mostly numb for now but CANCER FREE!!!! WOOHOOOO!!!!! I can now relax for the weekend… I’ll start getting nervous again Sunday night as I prepare for my 6:00 am “forehead flap reconstruction” (penis nose, eww!)

 

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 Posted by at 5:18 pm

The GO TIME Countdown

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Dec 262013
 

By sometime Friday afternoon, my nose booger (aka, basal cell carcinoma) is supposed to be gone. WOOHOO?!

I’m trying not to be nervous and just focus on positives: They will dig out my nose booger out until they can say “cancer free!” (MOHS) and then send me home for the weekend… so…. WOOHOO!!!!

I’ve totally blown it on the stern warnings they gave me about quitting smoking though I truly have tried to cut down for the last month …BLARRGH!!! 

I signed the release and I am aware that I’m taking my chances for “penis nose” surviving to grow new skin in my extra nostril. But that part doesn’t happen until Monday. Maybe. One day at a time is how I’ve lived normally and this is how I plan to live abnormally. 😀

 Posted by at 11:02 pm